New 2013-2014 Script
Narrator: Ooeeeeerrrrr... Now, where was I? Hmmph... Oh yes, funeral arrangements for my great- great-great grandfather, the storyteller... Hmpph... bills.... bills... Good Lord! More Bills! I say! Huh? What's This?(removes tattered sheet of paper) It says "Please do not read this aloud. For you, Hewon`t Shuttupe. From the Storyteller. This is your share of my riches. It may not be gold, dollars, or even euros, but it is my most valuable item. This is a story of bravery, adventure, and most importantly companionship. I hope you learn something from this tale, Hewon`t, my boy. It all started like this...
(Scene switches to futuristic stage)
Narrator: Twas the year 3014, and the 40 year old teenage delinquent Joe Nob was taking a driver's test on his latest toy, Shelly the time travelling vehicle. Apparently, Dr. Gerump E., Joe's examiner, was not pleased with his previous test scores...
Dr. Gerump E.: Now, Joeseph Door Nob! The Chronovator VI is a very delicate creature, and I don't want you messing with 'er on your test. Tut! Tut! No buts, dear, or I'll 'ave your tongue for butter!
Joe Nob: Righto, Mr. Gerump E.! I know the drill! (snort, snort) All I have to do to pass the time traveller test is to keep Shelly (points to Chronovator) in good shape as she helps me travel through time!
Dr. Gerump E.: Rr... It's just that you didn't pass the last 557 time travelling tests we've attempted 'afore!
Joe Nob: 558 is the lucky one!
Dr. Gerump E.: You said that the last 557 times. Anyway, for your first task in the test... we'll travel to California in the year... 3150 A.D. to witness the world's first driver's test! (starts moving) Now remember, to past the time travelling test you have do this by yourself, Joe Nob.
(signal one)
(Splits from Joe Nob and Shelly) I'm afraid you and Shelly are on your own, kid. May the force be with you.
Joe Nob: O-kay! (slaps shelly) We'll get 'long just f-fine, right, Shelly! (Shelly Frowns) Now... Gerump said that we have to go to the year 10,000 B.C... I think this button does it! (presses button and starts going back in time[going backwards]) Waah!!! Shelly!!!
(scene switches to caveman place)
Narrator: Shelly had taken Joe back in time to the time of caveman days! As Joe Nob fiddled around, he noticed a small object on the ground...
(shelly shakes head) WE ARE IN 3150 JUST LIKE YOU SAID, JOE.
Mr. Gerump E.: No! Not 3150 B.C.! I said 3510 A.D.!
Joe Nob: I want my Mommy! Where am I? (wipes tear) Hey, look at that thingamajig on the ground! What is it? (picks up Romo) Ooh! It's name is "made in China"!
Rajer Gupta: Hullo mates! I'm Rajer Gupta and I will be your Global Positioning System Guide today! Be prepared for an extra exciting day filled with excitement! Now, to begin, let's move right!
Narrator: Joe and Shelly's new acquaintance told them that he was an old friend of guided them towards a small clearing in the ice age forest, where the very first driver's test was occuring...
Caveman: Ooga Booga! Me like mammoth (smooches mammoth) Me test mammoth out! (jumps on mammoth) LOOOlloooloolool (war call) Mammoth my love!
Rajer Gupta: Uh oh yaars. I think we have to park in between those big hairy hattis to escape that Delihite caveyaar! How in the world will we get between them?
Joe Nob:OOh! I know! I know!
Rajer Gupta: I'm not asking you, I'm asking Shelly! You're so dumb, you drove in the driveway and parked in the parkway!
Joe Nob: Aren't you supposed to do that?
Shelly: GUYS. LET'S JUST GO SIDEWAYS IN BETWEEN THOSE TWO MAMMOTHS.
Narrator: Shelly began a particularly difficult squeeze between the two lumbering behemoths. However, the Neanderthal test-taker was steadily making the task more difficult with his irritating tunes...
(signal two)
Song #1: Me love mammoths. OH.... me love my mammoths. Me like to like them. OH... me like to drive them. Chorus: Me love the way they chew their cud, me love they way they eat their mud, me love the way they pick me up the best rose buds...(2x) Me love mammoths! OH... me love my mammoths!
Narrator: Finally, Shelly was able to make a tight squeeze in between those two restless mammoths! But before Joe could celebrate his victory over the first test, he accidentally pressed the "random time travel" button...
Rajer Gupta: Now look what you've done, Joe Door Nob! Your as dumb as a door knob! I'll have to work extra-hard to navigate us out of this jillabee!
Shelly: LIKE YOU'VE BEEN HELPING US AT ALL YOU FAKE GPS.
Rajer Gupta: Shut up, tiffin box!
Narrator: Apparently, Shelly, Joe and Rajer had got themselves trapped in the clutches of the early 20th century! Everything was in black and white, and the cars were all volkswagens!
Joe Nob: Uh-oh.
Rajer Gupta: Hey, isn't that Hong Kong gas guzzler coming straight towards us?
Shelly: I THINK WE'LL HAVE TO GO BACKWARDS!!!
Everyone: Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Shelly ran backwards as fast as her wheels could carry her. Soon she was going faster than the speed of light! Her speed was changing the course of time itself! In fact, they time travelled all the way to 3200!
Rajer Gupta: (yawn) Yaars, it's afternoon chai time, so if you don't mind...
Joe Nob: Wh-where are we?
Gerump E.: Uh oh. We are in the year 3200, D.V.D. (gulp) This will be your toughest test yet... the police here aren't very... human...
Vehicle-cop: You are an intruder. Must be exterminated. (Takes out fluffy nyan nyan cat)
Joe Nob: The horror! The horror! The horrible shrieks of pain!
Shelly: WE MUST ESCAPE! OVER THAT TRASH PILE OVER THERE.
(signal three)
Narrator: The futuristic vehicle cop and Shelly went into a full-fledged chase, while Joe Nob threw rotten banana peels to distract the cop.
Song #2: Ooh... haputche, haputche, Ooh... haputche, haputche Ooh... haputche, haputche............ I was racing down the track! Nothing to do but stare at my back. I wanted to break all the laws. I wanted to celebrate my flaws, 'cause Chorus: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii'm on a runway! Never gonna stop today-ay! I've got all-terrain wheels, rhino hide on my heel, nothing to stop me from doing my deals.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii'm on a runway! Never gonna stop today-ay! I've got all-terrain heels, rhino hide on my heels, nothing to stop me from doing my deals! (end of chorus) (pure guitar)
Narrator: Finally, Joe Nob was able to punch the correct coordinates and go back to 3014!
Vehicle cop: Malfunction. Kurtana does not want to kill you today.
Joe Nob: Whoa! We came back alive! Good work Shelly!
Rajer Gupta: All thanks to my expert navigation!
Joe Nob: Does this mean I've passed the test?
Gerump E: (grumbles) Come back tomorrow, kid. We'll be waiting.
Narrator: Even though Joe Nob didn't pass the test, he learned the valuable lesson of teamwork. Thank you for listening to this story, and I hope you enjoyed reading my experience(rolls up will) from my youth. See you later, Hewon`t. Your great-great-great grandfather, the Storyteller.
(The End )
(Scene switches to futuristic stage)
Narrator: Twas the year 3014, and the 40 year old teenage delinquent Joe Nob was taking a driver's test on his latest toy, Shelly the time travelling vehicle. Apparently, Dr. Gerump E., Joe's examiner, was not pleased with his previous test scores...
Dr. Gerump E.: Now, Joeseph Door Nob! The Chronovator VI is a very delicate creature, and I don't want you messing with 'er on your test. Tut! Tut! No buts, dear, or I'll 'ave your tongue for butter!
Joe Nob: Righto, Mr. Gerump E.! I know the drill! (snort, snort) All I have to do to pass the time traveller test is to keep Shelly (points to Chronovator) in good shape as she helps me travel through time!
Dr. Gerump E.: Rr... It's just that you didn't pass the last 557 time travelling tests we've attempted 'afore!
Joe Nob: 558 is the lucky one!
Dr. Gerump E.: You said that the last 557 times. Anyway, for your first task in the test... we'll travel to California in the year... 3150 A.D. to witness the world's first driver's test! (starts moving) Now remember, to past the time travelling test you have do this by yourself, Joe Nob.
(signal one)
(Splits from Joe Nob and Shelly) I'm afraid you and Shelly are on your own, kid. May the force be with you.
Joe Nob: O-kay! (slaps shelly) We'll get 'long just f-fine, right, Shelly! (Shelly Frowns) Now... Gerump said that we have to go to the year 10,000 B.C... I think this button does it! (presses button and starts going back in time[going backwards]) Waah!!! Shelly!!!
(scene switches to caveman place)
Narrator: Shelly had taken Joe back in time to the time of caveman days! As Joe Nob fiddled around, he noticed a small object on the ground...
(shelly shakes head) WE ARE IN 3150 JUST LIKE YOU SAID, JOE.
Mr. Gerump E.: No! Not 3150 B.C.! I said 3510 A.D.!
Joe Nob: I want my Mommy! Where am I? (wipes tear) Hey, look at that thingamajig on the ground! What is it? (picks up Romo) Ooh! It's name is "made in China"!
Rajer Gupta: Hullo mates! I'm Rajer Gupta and I will be your Global Positioning System Guide today! Be prepared for an extra exciting day filled with excitement! Now, to begin, let's move right!
Narrator: Joe and Shelly's new acquaintance told them that he was an old friend of guided them towards a small clearing in the ice age forest, where the very first driver's test was occuring...
Caveman: Ooga Booga! Me like mammoth (smooches mammoth) Me test mammoth out! (jumps on mammoth) LOOOlloooloolool (war call) Mammoth my love!
Rajer Gupta: Uh oh yaars. I think we have to park in between those big hairy hattis to escape that Delihite caveyaar! How in the world will we get between them?
Joe Nob:OOh! I know! I know!
Rajer Gupta: I'm not asking you, I'm asking Shelly! You're so dumb, you drove in the driveway and parked in the parkway!
Joe Nob: Aren't you supposed to do that?
Shelly: GUYS. LET'S JUST GO SIDEWAYS IN BETWEEN THOSE TWO MAMMOTHS.
Narrator: Shelly began a particularly difficult squeeze between the two lumbering behemoths. However, the Neanderthal test-taker was steadily making the task more difficult with his irritating tunes...
(signal two)
Song #1: Me love mammoths. OH.... me love my mammoths. Me like to like them. OH... me like to drive them. Chorus: Me love the way they chew their cud, me love they way they eat their mud, me love the way they pick me up the best rose buds...(2x) Me love mammoths! OH... me love my mammoths!
Narrator: Finally, Shelly was able to make a tight squeeze in between those two restless mammoths! But before Joe could celebrate his victory over the first test, he accidentally pressed the "random time travel" button...
Rajer Gupta: Now look what you've done, Joe Door Nob! Your as dumb as a door knob! I'll have to work extra-hard to navigate us out of this jillabee!
Shelly: LIKE YOU'VE BEEN HELPING US AT ALL YOU FAKE GPS.
Rajer Gupta: Shut up, tiffin box!
Narrator: Apparently, Shelly, Joe and Rajer had got themselves trapped in the clutches of the early 20th century! Everything was in black and white, and the cars were all volkswagens!
Joe Nob: Uh-oh.
Rajer Gupta: Hey, isn't that Hong Kong gas guzzler coming straight towards us?
Shelly: I THINK WE'LL HAVE TO GO BACKWARDS!!!
Everyone: Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Shelly ran backwards as fast as her wheels could carry her. Soon she was going faster than the speed of light! Her speed was changing the course of time itself! In fact, they time travelled all the way to 3200!
Rajer Gupta: (yawn) Yaars, it's afternoon chai time, so if you don't mind...
Joe Nob: Wh-where are we?
Gerump E.: Uh oh. We are in the year 3200, D.V.D. (gulp) This will be your toughest test yet... the police here aren't very... human...
Vehicle-cop: You are an intruder. Must be exterminated. (Takes out fluffy nyan nyan cat)
Joe Nob: The horror! The horror! The horrible shrieks of pain!
Shelly: WE MUST ESCAPE! OVER THAT TRASH PILE OVER THERE.
(signal three)
Narrator: The futuristic vehicle cop and Shelly went into a full-fledged chase, while Joe Nob threw rotten banana peels to distract the cop.
Song #2: Ooh... haputche, haputche, Ooh... haputche, haputche Ooh... haputche, haputche............ I was racing down the track! Nothing to do but stare at my back. I wanted to break all the laws. I wanted to celebrate my flaws, 'cause Chorus: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii'm on a runway! Never gonna stop today-ay! I've got all-terrain wheels, rhino hide on my heel, nothing to stop me from doing my deals.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii'm on a runway! Never gonna stop today-ay! I've got all-terrain heels, rhino hide on my heels, nothing to stop me from doing my deals! (end of chorus) (pure guitar)
Narrator: Finally, Joe Nob was able to punch the correct coordinates and go back to 3014!
Vehicle cop: Malfunction. Kurtana does not want to kill you today.
Joe Nob: Whoa! We came back alive! Good work Shelly!
Rajer Gupta: All thanks to my expert navigation!
Joe Nob: Does this mean I've passed the test?
Gerump E: (grumbles) Come back tomorrow, kid. We'll be waiting.
Narrator: Even though Joe Nob didn't pass the test, he learned the valuable lesson of teamwork. Thank you for listening to this story, and I hope you enjoyed reading my experience(rolls up will) from my youth. See you later, Hewon`t. Your great-great-great grandfather, the Storyteller.
(The End )